The grade on your work is a Projected Grade. It is not your final mark, but an assessment of the skills you have demonstrated. It estimates the score you could achieve in a full-length essay if you applied these same skills consistently throughout. The feedback is designed to help you develop these skills further.
This shows an argument FOR the statement.
This shows an argument AGAINST the statement.
This shows your Conclusion or overall Judgement.
Assessment: "People should only immigrate because of war" - Evaluate the statement.
General Feedback: The class demonstrated a solid understanding of the basic concepts of immigration. Most students successfully identified war as a major 'push factor' and could list alternative reasons for migration, such as natural disasters and economic opportunities. However, many students struggled with structuring their arguments into clear paragraphs and using formal geographical terminology (e.g., push/pull factors, refugees, asylum seekers, economic migrants). Conclusions were often brief and lacked a summary of the main points.
Key Areas for Development:
Immigration is the process of moving to another country to live permanently.Clear definition to open the essay.
Some people may strongly agree with the statement because war presents an immediate, unavoidable threat to human life.Strong topic sentence focusing on the urgency of war. During conflicts, civilians face the destruction of infrastructure, such as hospitals and homes, and the constant risk of violence.Specific examples of why war forces migration. Therefore, individuals fleeing war are classified as refugees seeking asylum, which many argue is the only justifiable reason to cross borders urgently.Excellent use of geographical terminology (refugees, asylum).
However, others strongly disagree because there are numerous other severe 'push factors' that force people to leave their homes.Introduces the counter-argument using key terminology. For instance, natural disasters like earthquakes or extreme famines can be just as life-threatening as armed conflict.Provides a direct comparison to war. Furthermore, there are significant 'pull factors', such as the desire for better healthcare, education, and economic opportunities.Expands the argument to include voluntary migration. Economic migrants play a vital role in filling job shortages in host countries, proving that immigration is beneficial beyond just escaping war.Evaluates the benefit to the host country.
In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the statement.Clear final stance. While fleeing war is a critical and urgent reason to immigrate, environmental crises and the pursuit of a better quality of life are equally valid reasons that drive global migration.Summarises the main points effectively.
Immigrate = leave your home country to move to another permanently.Good clear definition to start.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because their is no reason what so ever to leave your country other than war.Clear opening statement for this side of the argument. This is because if you are fine and stable in your country why move and disturb others and their country.Interesting point about stability. Leaving your country might lead you to experiencing racism.Valid point about the challenges immigrants face.
However some people may strongly disagree with this statement because eventhough war is one of the reasons (pull factor) there are also many other things that can lead to immigration.Careful: war is a 'push' factor, not a 'pull' factor. For example learning new culture, better housing, job opportunities, free education and more!Great list of pull factors.
To conclude, I personally believe that people shouldn't immigrate only because of war because visiting more countries can lead you to learning more stuff.Clear opinion, but 'learning more stuff' is a bit informal.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because although war is a major push factor, there are many pull factors that encourage immigration. For example, people may move to seek better job opportunities, higher quality housing, and access to free education.Corrects the push/pull terminology and uses more formal vocabulary.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because people shouldn't have to immigrate if they aren't constantly at war.A bit repetitive, try to explain *why* war forces people to move. For example, people who are at war immediately have to move because they are constantly in danger, but people who want to immigrate for reasons like violence don't need to immigrate because they can move to a country without urgency.This sentence is confusing; violence is usually a reason for urgency.
However, some people may belive that people can should be allowed to immigrate for other reasons because violence can be extreemely dangerous and it can be very satal if you aren't carefull.You mention violence again here, which overlaps with war. Try to think of non-violent reasons.
In conclusion, I belive people should be allowed to immigrateVery brief conclusion. Needs to summarise your reasons.
However, some people may believe that people should be allowed to immigrate for other reasons. For example, natural disasters like earthquakes can destroy homes, and people may also want to move to find better job opportunities to support their families.Introduces clear, non-violent reasons for immigration.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because people might be in danger if they stay in their home country that is being attacked.Clear reason supporting the statement. Furthermore, it is reasonable in a way if people immigrate only because of war, because if they stayed in that country not only is that person in danger but their relatives too.Good point about the threat to family members.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because there's other reasons for immigration such as: Natural Disasters, Better paying jobs, etc.Good examples, but try to write them in full sentences rather than a list.
In addition, if people could only immigrate because of war, that would be a big issue because if their was natural disasters, they would have to stay in that country.Excellent logical point explaining the flaw in the statement.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because there are other severe reasons for immigration. For instance, natural disasters such as earthquakes can destroy homes, and people may also move to seek better paying jobs to improve their quality of life.Turns the list into a flowing, descriptive sentence.
Some people may agree with this satment because the people that migrate to diffrent countries for less dangerous reasons.A bit unclear, check your phrasing. For example it could've been because the climate or the weather. It could've been about somthing it is not as life threatning as war.Good comparison between war and less threatening factors. Also there might be to many people in a boat to migrate and there reason was not as dangerous.Interesting point about the risks of the journey.
Some people might may disagree with this statment because the reason for migrating might be for a dangerous reason like not having crops or food to eat.Excellent point about famine. For example it could be for a fire or an earthquake which are more dangerous than war.Good examples of natural disasters. Also war can be hid you can hide from war but you can't hide from a natrul disaster.A very unique and thoughtful argument!
To conclude I disagree because people could be losing there lives from natrul disasters.Clear conclusion based on your previous points.
Furthermore, natural disasters such as earthquakes or wildfires can be just as deadly as war. In fact, while civilians might be able to seek shelter or hide during a conflict, it is impossible to hide from a sudden natural disaster, making it a critical push factor for migration.Corrects spelling and uses formal terminology to elevate the excellent original idea.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because others may use immagration as a way of running away from their crimes that they have commited in a previous country.A very unique point about escaping justice. Another reason that others agree is that if everyone migrates to a specific reigon, then it could overpopulate, they builders have to make more glats (which is bad for the enviroment) and it could cause a language barrier.Excellent links between migration, overpopulation, and environmental impact.
On the other hand, people may disagree because it's not that you have to be at war to migrate but what if you are the only one in danger (rapist, abuse) could have a risk of dying.Strong point about personal persecution and danger outside of a national war.
In conclusion, I disagree with this statement as it could be dangerous towards minors.Clear opinion, though the link to minors specifically could be explained more.
Another reason people might agree is the pressure on the host country. If too many people migrate to a specific region, it could lead to overpopulation. This forces builders to construct more housing, which can negatively impact the environment, and it may also create language barriers within the community.Improves the flow and corrects spelling while keeping the excellent ideas.
Some people would agree with this statment and some people might strongly disagree with this statment.You don't need this introductory sentence, jump straight into the argument. Some people might strongly agree with this statment because of how war has changed many country over the history, war is a dangerous conflict that was thought out the world and can cause lot is of dangerous staction anywhere.A bit difficult to read, but the point about war being a dangerous conflict is clear. people might want to fle the country for better safty.Good point about seeking safety.
However some people might strongly disagree with this statment because there many reson for immigration like jobs, natrul disasters, safety or for higher safty.Good list of alternative reasons. This shows how people might move for a better life.Good summary sentence.
To conclud, I personally believe that people don't only move peamently because of big dangerous warsClear conclusion.
However, some people might strongly disagree with this statement because there are many other reasons for immigration. For example, people may move due to natural disasters destroying their homes, or they may move to find better jobs to provide a higher quality of life for their families.Corrects spelling and expands on the reasons to add more detail.
Immigration. Immigration is reasons that a person or people have to leave their home country permantly.Good attempt at a definition.
Some people may disagree with statement "people should only immigrate because of war" They would disagree because there are multiples reasons why people immigrate from their home country. e.g Econmic migrants, aslyum seeker or refugees.Excellent use of specific geographical terminology! Which are immigrant that are moving their home for different other than war.Refugees usually *do* move because of war, so be careful here.
However some people may strongly agree with this statement because there's not war why would you have to move permantly to a new country.A valid point questioning the necessity of moving if there is peace.
To conclude, I personally believe I disagree with the statemat because there are different types of immigrates for a reason.Clear conclusion.
Some people may disagree with the statement because there are multiple reasons why people migrate. For example, economic migrants move to find better jobs and improve their standard of living, which has nothing to do with war.Uses the terminology correctly to support the counter-argument.
I strongly disagree with this statement because people have the right to leave their country for purposes like job opportunities, better houses etc.This is a good point, but it is only one sentence.
I strongly disagree with this statement because people have the right to leave their country for other purposes. These are known as pull factors, and they include moving for better job opportunities, higher quality housing, and access to better education.Expands the single sentence into a more detailed point using terminology.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because war is one of the most important factors of immigration and can't be solved by staying in the same country and working things out.Very mature reasoning. Unlike some of the other immigration factors like high housing rates and low amounts of job offers, these problems can be addresed by talking to your government or your local county.Excellent comparison between war and economic issues. War is something that no human could stop just by themselves meaning it is unstoppable until a peace treaty is formed and you don't know when that will be so you would have to immigrate just so that you prioritise your safety and wellbeing.Fantastic explanation of the lack of individual control during a war.
On the other hand, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because people need to care for themselves meaning all factors of immigration are just as important.Good counter-argument. So why should one be more important, economic reasons are just as important because without jobs people can't get money for their families and with high housing rates it means you cant get a house for your family.Strong point about the necessity of economic survival.
To conclude, I personally disagree with the statement. While war is an urgent push factor that individuals cannot control, economic pull factors are also vital, as people have a right to seek jobs and housing to ensure their family's survival.Adds the missing conclusion using geographical terminology.
Key word: migrate: to moveGood to define the term.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because if more people migrate then the city could be more crowded.Valid point about overpopulation. Another reason why people could agree with this statement is more people in a specific place could mean that prices could get higher because they have to build so many houses.Good link between population increase and housing prices/inflation.
On the other hand, people may disagree with this statement because people should be allowed to move where they want freely.Strong point about freedom of movement. Also if people want to move they can move without constant worries of people saying that they shouldn't be here.Touches on the social aspect of immigration.
To conclude i personally believe that people should move wherever and whenever they would like to.Clear conclusion matching your previous points.
Some people may strongly agree that people should only immigrate because of war, because allowing migration for any reason can cause host cities to become overcrowded. This increase in population can lead to higher demand for housing, which drives up prices for everyone.Links the economic point directly back to the prompt about war.
Immigration is where a person moves to another country for a reasonBasic definition.
Agree:
Some people may stongly agree with this statement, because some people dont want people coming to there country just because they feel like it and that war is the only circumstonse that people can immigrate to the country.Good point about host country attitudes. for example some people might not want immigrants in there contry because of racial tension. that is why some people agree with this statement.A mature point about social issues and racial tension.
Dissagree:
However some people may strongly dissagree with this statement because some people immigrate for jobs or for a better life for there familyClear alternative reasons. for example some parents might immigrate wanting a better life for your child or for wanting a better job.Good example of family motivation.
personally i completly dissagree with this statement.Clear opinion, but needs a reason why.
Personally, I completely disagree with this statement. While war is a terrible push factor, parents should have the right to migrate to find better jobs and provide a higher quality of life for their children.Expands the conclusion to include the reasoning from the essay.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because in war you can die.Direct and true. Also people in war may feel like their country is in danger so they may risk fighting back.Good point about the danger of conflict. Many people also think they should emigrate to another country because they want themselves and children to be safe.Safety is a key push factor.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because people also leave for better job opportunities so they have a better life.Clear pull factor. Also, people may not only leave for war but they could leave for better health-care.Excellent point, healthcare is a major pull factor. to keep Lots of countries have natural disaters so it not always because of war.Good mention of natural disasters.
To conclude, I personally believe that people should not only flee because of war because you don't always die in war and theres other reasons why.Clear conclusion summarising your points.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because there are many pull factors that encourage migration. For example, people may move to seek better job opportunities or access to higher quality healthcare to improve their standard of living.Incorporates 'pull factors' to make the geographical argument stronger.
Some people may agree that immigrate should be because of war but some may disagree. There are many sides to this argument. Should only immigrate people only be immigrate because of war.A bit repetitive in the introduction.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because many people know war can be really dangerous. You may get shot, killed, bombed many things. It is really violent.Vivid description of the dangers of war. Most people are immigrate mainly because of war.Good point.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statment. Yes war can be a reason but there are things called a push and pull factor.Excellent use of terminology! A push factor could be because of war, natural disasters and other things. A pull factor could be jobs, houses, food or just to restart.Perfect definitions and examples of push and pull factors.
To conclude, I personally believe that people should be immigrates because of war. There are many reasons behind get immigrates.Your conclusion is a bit confusing—do you agree or disagree?
To conclude, I personally disagree with the statement. While war is a major push factor, there are many other valid pull factors, such as seeking better jobs and housing, that justify why people migrate.Clears up the confusion in the conclusion and reuses the great terminology.
The question here today is "people should only immigrate because of war", but that is not always the case.Good opening sentence.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because not all the time people leave there countrie because of war it cause of other stuff. for example domestic abuse, and racism. et. et.Careful: if they leave for "other stuff", that means they *disagree* with the statement that it should *only* be war.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statment because of the thing that they are fleeing from. and that maybe crime in there countrys are not decided by the justice system.Interesting point about corruption/crime. for example they are fleeing from some one that is dangerous and u escape but the other person doesn't let that go and bring more problem to country.A bit confusing to read.
In my opinion I think they should only come over if it is some think serous so no more trouble is metClear opinion.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because people flee for other serious reasons. For example, they might be escaping high crime rates or a corrupt justice system in their home country, which can be just as dangerous as war.Puts the point in the correct 'disagree' section and makes the sentence clearer.
That is not true because some people move to different countries because of push and pull factors.Great use of terminology right away. A push factor is when some one leaves a country because of war, or starting a new life and more. A pull factor is when someone wants to live in a different country because of work oppotunities, better life quallities and more.Excellent definitions of push and pull factors.
How ever, some people may strongly agree with this statement because war is one of the big reasons why people immigrate to a different place.Good counter-point. Some people might have even been influenced by the war between Ukraine and Russia which made Ukrainian people leave the home.Fantastic use of a real-world example!
In my opinion, I disagree with the statement because many people can leave a place for many different reasons.Clear conclusion.
In my opinion, I disagree with the statement. While the war in Ukraine shows that conflict is a major push factor, people also have the right to migrate due to pull factors such as seeking better work opportunities and a higher quality of life.Combines the great terminology and examples into a much stronger conclusion.
I agree with this statement as when a country is at war, many die. Since war is life-threatening & urgent, the so people should only immigrate because of war can be considered a valid arguement.Strong opening using great vocabulary ('life-threatening', 'urgent').
For example, The war in Russia & Ukraine many people suffered, died, starved etc. So the UK took in immigrants & refugees as the war was really devastating.Excellent real-world example and use of the term 'refugees'.
The ukraine & Russia situation & many other wars should be the one & only good reason why the UK, as a country, should let immigrants into our country.Clear stance.
However, others strongly disagree with this as there other reasons too: poor jobs, persecution etc.Good alternative reasons. these (potentially) are fair reasons as they're financial problems. For example, when a person is persecuted out of their country they immigrate to another country.Great use of the word 'persecuted'.
Overall, in my opinion, I mostly agree with this statement.Clear final opinion.
Overall, in my opinion, I mostly agree with this statement. Because war is an urgent, life-threatening push factor, countries like the UK should prioritise taking in refugees over those moving purely for financial reasons.Adds geographical terminology to make the conclusion much more powerful.
Some people may agree with this statement, because the immigrates couldve been living there for a long amount of time and has survived lots of wars and they wouldn't have to leave if they have lived there.Interesting point about resilience. Another reson people might think this is because they don't need to imagrate for a lack of job opportunity or school education. Some people may think the immigrates could just go live in a family members house for a mean time.Good point about internal migration or relying on family.
But on the other had people may disagree with the statement because some places could be experiencing natural disasters like: earthquakes, tusnamis, volcang eruptions, and more,Fantastic list of natural disasters. they could also think this because some immigrates could be living in a area that isn't safe for their children/family members.Safety is a key push factor. More reasons that people could think this is because there could be lack of job opportunity so that means people could be homeless or a lack of education so people wont be as intelagent, and there could be a famine so people could starve to death.Excellent chain of reasoning (no jobs -> homeless, famine -> starvation).
Overall, I disagree with this satement people imagrates should be able to leave their home countrys not only because of war.Clear conclusion.
[New Paragraph] On the other hand, people may disagree with the statement because there are other severe push factors. For example, natural disasters such as earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanic eruptions can destroy homes. Furthermore, a lack of job opportunities can lead to homelessness, and severe famine can cause starvation, forcing people to migrate to survive.Shows how to start a new paragraph and uses terminology to group your excellent ideas.
people should only immigrate because of war. immigrate means to move to one place away from the place/area you were.Good definition to start.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because might think war is more dangerous and that it can take someones life.Clear opening point. For example, war can destroy your which then means you have no shelter, another example may be that someone (or you) is suffering from a disease and need medicine, pharmacies and hospitals might be shut down or destroyed because of the war leading to more people dying.This is an outstanding point about the destruction of infrastructure (hospitals/pharmacies) causing secondary deaths.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because there are other reasons people immigrate. For example people might move as a refugee, asylum seeker, or economic immigrant.Brilliant use of geographical terminology!
To conclude, I disagree with the statement. While war destroys vital infrastructure like hospitals, forcing refugees to flee, people also have the right to move as economic migrants to seek better jobs and improve their lives.Adds the missing conclusion and uses your excellent terminology correctly.
Immigration is when people move from a place to another to live permantly. Like for example because of war or more jobs opportunities.Good definition and examples.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because they might have being through this situation but not another one.A bit unclear. Or it could be because people immigrate to another country for how much long it takes to finish and are tired of surviving.Good point about the length of wars and the exhaustion of just 'surviving'.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because they also past for another situation except war. It could be because of natural disasters, famine or few jobs or for job opportunities healthcare and education.Great list of alternative push and pull factors.
To conclude, I personally believe that people dont only immigrate because of war but it could a lot because job opportunities or education.Clear conclusion.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because there are many other push and pull factors. For example, people may be pushed away by natural disasters or famine, or they may be pulled towards a new country for better healthcare, education, and job opportunities.Cleans up the grammar and inserts key geographical terms.
Immigration should not be only because of war. As there are other issues that a country faces. However some people may strongly disagree as there are more disasters that could happen in a country was in poverty or poor.Your introduction is a bit mixed up between agreeing and disagreeing.
One evidence of this is that Natural disasters could happen such as: earthquakes, floods, tornados, lightning and especially maybe whirlpools.Good list of natural disasters. It could also be because of poor transport and broken homes.Valid points about infrastructure. There is one more which is war it could happen anytime if two people are disagreeing or because one person want this the other that.War is usually between countries or large groups, not just two people.
Another reason why people should not immigrate because of war as it can lead to that people who have venues for other stuff could get injured or die if people had to leave because of war.This sentence is very confusing to read.
Linking to my explantion I think strongly people have rights to go and immigrate for other reasons and could also stay safer.
To conclud, I personally believe that we should be allowd to leave.Clear final opinion.
Some people disagree with the statement because there are other severe push factors besides war. For example, natural disasters such as earthquakes and floods can destroy homes, and extreme poverty can force people to move to survive.Organises the ideas into a clear, easy-to-read argument.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because some immigrants may leave their country for war because maybe they didn't have a good childhood or because of violence.Good link between war and violence. A person who left their country because of war is named a refugee.Excellent use of terminology! Some say it's because they want to stay with family because of it but some say because they aren't ready to join this and live in a different colour.A bit confusing at the end here.
Some people may strongly disagree because some immagrintes only come for a good job application or sometimes good payment.Clear economic pull factor. Some say it's because they want to settle in a country but some say it's because they just want to live and experience the different type of culteres and try new foods and different flavours.A nice, unique point about cultural exchange!
In my opinion I disagree because some immagrintes only come here or other countries for many different reasons but not only because of war but some immagrintes only come for just for fun or because they are ready to live in one country.Clear conclusion.
Some people may strongly disagree because there are many pull factors that attract people to a new country. For example, economic migrants move to find better paying jobs, while others move to experience different cultures and try new foods.Corrects spelling and adds geographical terms to your great ideas.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because imigrate is like people that dont origounate from this country (UK) meaning if they get brought in war it might not be good and people move to diffrent countries due to war or anything happening in theire country meaning they would have to move countriesThis is a very long sentence. Try to use full stops. and However some people may strongly disagree with this statment because Mabye not only for the war you can move countries you can also move for a diffrent reason like family issues, abuse, or many more.Good alternative reasons (family issues, abuse). The war is probably the main reason why peop immigrants move to a diffrent countries.Good point.
Conclude I personally belivie the I agree or a little in the middle cus war is a serious thing you would have to move countries for.It is okay to be 'in the middle', but try to explain why more clearly.
[New Paragraph] However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement. This is because people move for different reasons, such as escaping family issues or abuse. While war is a major push factor, personal safety is also a valid reason to migrate.Breaks the long sentence into shorter, clearer sentences and adds terminology.
The keyword is immigrant. Immigrant means when you move to another country to stay there permanently.Good definition. Some people may strongly agree with this statement because sometimes some people only immigrate because they dont want to far from their family.This doesn't really link to 'war'. However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because most people immigrate because of better jobs, better housing or they are forced to leave.Good list of pull factors (jobs, housing) and push factors (forced to leave).
In my opinion, I disagree with this statement because if I was an immigrant, I would move countries for a better job or better housing.Clear conclusion putting yourself in their shoes.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because war is a dangerous push factor. During a conflict, people are forced to leave their homes to seek safety and protect their families from violence.Links the 'agree' paragraph directly to the topic of war.
Somepeople may strongly agree with this statement because like war it's very dangerous because there would be bombing around and gunshots around. People need to immigrate for that cause it's very dangerous people will die for that war.Good description of the physical dangers of war.
However, somepeople may strongly disagree with this statement because people need to move to another country because the country that they are on, it might have less job opptunaty and if they immigrate because they need money for their rent, taxes, clothing, housing and food that they needExcellent, detailed list of economic needs. and it's very important for them to have a place that they could live and they can settle there because they are an immigrate.Good point about settling.
To conclude, I personally believe that it's not only for war they can be many stuff that they really need.Clear conclusion.
To conclude, I personally disagree with the statement. While war is a major reason to move, people also migrate due to economic pull factors, as they need to find jobs to afford basic necessities like rent, food, and clothing.Makes the conclusion more formal and includes geographical terminology.
i disagree maby their are many natra disastar like floods which is on earth anoter. or and you might not get enaygh money so that why I disagree.Good points about natural disasters and money, but very hard to read.
i agree becuse the place their gonna go is gonna get over-populated which leads to less jobs or house or even space and the place you want to go could be already populated so thats why I agreeThis is a fantastic, advanced point about the strain on the host country!
to conclude i disagree because they might have to move to a new countryVery brief conclusion.
I agree with the statement because if people migrate for any reason, the host country might become overpopulated. This can lead to a shortage of jobs, housing, and space for everyone living there.Corrects the spelling and grammar so your excellent idea shines through clearly.
people might agree with this statement as it is a valid reason and because war is dangerous and it may seem like the only valid reason, and they also might agree because war can be really dangerous.A bit repetitive, try to explain *why* it is dangerous.
However, many people such as myself may disagree for many reasons as one reason could be this statment blocks out other serious and dangerous things to immigrate for.Great phrasing ("blocks out other serious things"). For example: natural disastors causes like a hurricane or a flood also they may be forced to leave a country or they might just leave it willingly.Excellent distinction between forced and willing migration! For example they may leave for a better job or opportunites this is called an economic immigrante.Brilliant use of terminology.
As a conclusion I think that this statement is wrong as it blocks out other series of dangerous reasons or willing reasons therefore I think it is wrong (the statement).Strong conclusion summarising your main theme.
People might agree with this statement because war is incredibly dangerous. During a conflict, civilians face the threat of bombings and violence, making it an urgent push factor that forces them to become refugees.Removes the repetition and adds specific examples and terminology.
Immigrate means leaving to go to a country in order to live there permantly.Good definition.
Some people may strongly agree with this statement because war is a terible disaster and you could die easily in war from boombs, getting shot, famine and etc.Vivid examples of the dangers of war. In addition, you could lose your job due to it being bombed or it could go bankrupt.This is a fantastic, insightful point linking war to economic loss!
However some people may strongaly disagree with this statment because is not the only thing people immagrate for. for example people might immagrate for belter job oppotunities or for family agreements war is not the only thing people immagrate for and it will never be for people immigrating.Good alternative reasons, but the sentence drags on a bit.
To conclude, I personally disagree that war is only for immigration.Clear conclusion.
However, some people may strongly disagree with this statement because there are many pull factors that encourage migration. For example, people might migrate to seek better job opportunities or to reunite with family members abroad.Corrects spelling, adds terminology, and makes the sentence much clearer.